Thanks to a wonderful visit with a lovely friend today I think I had a bit of an "ahaa" moment about my current state of happiness. It feel like my mood as been dismal lately. I'm grouchier than normal (well not that I'm really a grouchy person), touchier and more sensitive. Hormones??? Am I pregnant? I honestly don't know! But then I was enlightened with the idea that it is February! I have basically been indoors for the past 3-4 months. When I would normally spend, at least, 4 hours a day outside in the summer and during warm weather. **sigh I really do miss my back yard, the gardens, the deck and greenery.
So hopefully the next couple of days go much better. It's kind of stupid but even as soon as I had made the sun connection, I started to feel better. Because my mood could be attributed to something tangible. I could attempt to fix it (sort of). I no longer feel like, wow! what is wrong with me! It's more like "Ohhh that's what's wrong! Is it me blaming the sun? Like I blamed the snow yesterday for wrecking my kids birthday party. Even as I type this, it seems to me that I'm trying to put the blame on something else so that I don't really need to address what might be the real cause of my moodiness. Huh.
Just looking for summer pictures warmed my heart. For everything their is a season (what is that Hemingway quote?). This is, I guess, when we are stuck in our houses (unless you are bionicle man/woman and run outdoors in -20C for hours) :) We are forced to look deep within ourselves - even if it's not pretty. Next stop is spring cleaning right? So that when summer rolls around again we can appreciate those moments of pure happiness so much better. It's not to say that I don't have happiness now, but I seem to be in a better mood during the summer :) This winter is blue! But it's just a colour. Not an expectation that I need to live down to!