Wednesday, February 2, 2011
My Dark Place.
So my dark place has red wine and me not folding laundry. I power bake, which means I try to mix a batch of muffins up before the oven heats up to 350F. I avoid what is really bothering me by making up drama. I'm in a dark place tonight. I have been almost all day. It shouldn't be like this, I know! My elevator is dismal (somewhere around the 20s). The snow put me off today (ok well now the blame game begins). I'm upset because... well I'm not really sure I should get into this... But I'm upset because I take things personal. I always have, and I hope I don't, but I'm sure I always will. I think I have always taken things personal. When I was a kid I thought that unless I got a big present people didn't "like or love" me enough. When I was in high school, if I didn't have sex I thought I wasn't good enough. Now, when people don't show up to play dates, I take it personal. I feel like my kid isn't good enough. Which is a reflection on me. So what's wrong with me? I am beating myself up today. It's a dark day today. But at least I had red wine and some sugar free muffins AND not the chocolate cake that I actually wanted. I guess it's about small victories right?