Ok so the things that occupy my mind's monologue (because I obviously am not challenged enough for other stuff to occupy my mind) are worry, drama and ??current moments?? (could be happy thoughts, or just thoughts like wow that's allot of yogourt on the couch, I wonder if I should put a pinch of chilli powder in this... that kind of stuff).
You know that relaxation part of the yoga practise at the end, just lie still and don't think about anything. It's IMPOSSIBLE!!!! basically if I'm not thinking I've fallen asleep. Speaking of yoga, from what I understand: the amount of pain you feel in your hips during hip openers equals the amount of drama in your life. So let me paint this out for you, I've been in labour with less pain that this. And hip openers are my own choice, so I am choosing to walk in the door and push myself to a limit that is totally stupid. While in this pose I think, "must go farther, don't think about the pain, tell it to shut up, breath one breath at a time ... The torture will eventually let up... right!" and then we do the other leg... no end to the torture. But yet I keep going back??? What the heck is that, am I a subconscious masochist. I keep thinking I guess that eventually I'll win the battle and I'll be able to do swan without juicy feelings. (aka. pain ) Ha oh and I forgot to mention that I did this yoga class after a 1 hour spin class. I'm not looking for pity here, just painting the picture accurately.
So all that to get to the point that, I also have drama to deal with. Not worries, but different in a way and similar in others. For example some drama can be exciting or daring and there is no worry about it; but if left unchecked could eventually lead to a worry. So how does feelings of happiness play into this? Honestly I'm not sure yet. Should I care more or less about drama than worries. Is drama just another crap that I don't need. But what if I seek out fun drama to mask or avoid dealing with really stressful and very negative worry. Therefore this fun drama is a source of happiness. Good grief this is getting to complicated. Anyone know of a good self help book for me. Great first step, I'm stuck already.
Ok the point of step one was to live in the moment. I'm assuming creating fun drama is not actually in the moment and so then... I should just chuck out all drama???? really??? humm ok and so being happy is a tough process. Anyone have any other suggestions for steps to help me on this journey?