Am I the only one that doesn't get to sit down till now? I don't really mind it because I'm sure it means I'm burning more calories as I'm running around all day and so I can have that glass of wine when I do get to sit down. Even this morning when I took the boys to the early years center to play, I would have (a year ago) totally sat down and drank coffee while chatting with other mom's but today it was run run run... Patrick kept getting picked on, eating marker's and trying to get in the paint. No down time for me. Well that's a lie. By the time I got everyone back home and served lunch, I was getting sleepy, I shouldn't be putting decaf in the coffee maker. Patrick almost threw himself in the crib to sleep but Luke was pretty cranky and wanted to lie down with me in my bed. I can't lie, I didn't mind one bit. Plus I did fall asleep for a while :) sigh*** that was the best. Then it was wake up and go go go (again). Pick up Annaliese, start diner, read her the french books she has to return for "reading marathon", serve diner, start to clean up, run out the house to the gym, and then finally make it back home to finish cleaning up and sit down to eat my bowl of yogurt. I should tell you what my most favorite post workout out snack is, since I've been eating it for almost over a year.
Hot Yogurt bowl
~ a cup of frozen berries
~ 3-4 tsp of chia seeds
~ 1/2 cup of no-fat greek yogourt (plain)
~ 1/3 cup of no sugar added crunchy cereal (that I mix up myself from 2 or 3 different types of cereal - I also add sunflower seeds and chopped raw almonds for extra crunch)
I melt the berries in micro for about 3 1/2 minutes, sprinkle the chia seeds over berries, add yogourt and top with cereal. Mix and enjoy. It's got tons of protein, healthy fats, fiber and best of all NO SUGAR!!! (other than what the berries add)
Part of what helps me cope with everyday chaos is that I start the day off by eating the same cereal mix and end it eating the same thing (when I workout). If I don't workout I try to take it easy on the food. But then again it's the weekend and I also tend to splurge a bit more. I know most people go crazy if they don't have variation but I think I love the comfort of not having to think about things. I love routine, it makes my life so much easier. As a side note, I'm sure many of you aren't interested, but blah to you... My breakfast is always (unless it's Sunday morning pancakes of course), 1/2 cup of no sugar added Alpen by weetabix, 1/2 cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 3 or 4 tsp of chia seeds, 1/2 cup of berries or fruit.
I'm not really sure why I'm so focused on food today. Probably because I've been feeling like my weight is stuck. Sure that's a great thing, maintenance, but I want to be down another 10lbs. Which now that I've just typed it down seems kind of stupid since Mark and I are trying to get pregnant. Maybe that's what the issue is, I'm afraid of all the weight I'm going to gain (and conversely have to lose post baby). Ugghh body weight... such drama. I'm not sure why I can't just be happy. What happened to me as child that makes it so that I'm never really happy with what I am. I distinctly recall once in grade 6, I was walking up the stairs to get in the school and the few girls that were sitting down started to make the "boom boom boom" noise as I climbed the stairs and went into the school. I can't recall what I did, because all I remember is what I felt. And every now and then I feel that feeling again. I feel like every step I take up, I'm losing my confidence. I have a pain in my chest because I know I'll never measure up. I wish I could be happy with my size (what ever it is), but especially now because I've worked so hard at it. People do comment on how amazing I look, but for some reason I don't buy it, it doesn't actually register. Why the hell is that? Is this just me, or most women in general. We should have a bloody support group. And also if you are happy with the way you are... Please please please tell me what you say to yourself, how you keep feeling that way perhaps what I can do to start myself on that journey. Because I guess part of being a happier person would start from being happy within. I should be happy with myself. I should love myself right? But I don't. I don't love my stretch marks (yes, they are battle scars of bearing 3 children, but still Yuk!), I don't love my arms (even though they do have some definition), I don't love my legs (even though I did squats on a stability ball) .... I'm sure it's too late for me, but how can I at least teach my kids to love themselves and be happy with their body. I know I'm definitely not going to tell them they need to go on a diet (or that they have too much blubber - like my dad used to say to me). I'll just cook good food, put them in sports and try to teach them to make healthy choices. But will that be enough? Anyone want to weight in here? what works and doesn't?
Control
ReplyDeleteWow, what a loaded blog post Nat! Where to start?
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have 'weight issues'. You are proud of your weight maintenance abilities and it shows through your eating habits, exercise mania and how you treat diet and fitness with the rest of your family.
But reading above it seems you may have some self-image issues that stem from when you were a child. The only bit of advice I can offer is to continue to listen to your supporters. Let their voice be stronger within you and over time you will notice your own inner voice change. Let your friends and family that matter the most influence your inner discourse. A balanced inner voice cannot be balanced so long as it is merely yours. We seek the approval of others and when we combine that with our own ideas, passions and truths we can't help but feel at ease. This doesn't mean you should seek their approval, but to deny it to ourselves is a little foolish.
So listen to the voices of those who support you and learn to integrate them with your internal discourse.
Natalie , my friend, TONNES I want to say to this, but maybe better in person or on the phone sometime. In the mean time, please visit this blog: http://theshapeofamother.com/ You will hear the voice of many many other women with similar struggles. Some in a very weak spot, some stronger and recovering their confidence. Maybe you can find some wisdom from this online support group about mothers and their body image.
ReplyDeleteI could try to reaffirm, the obvious, how amazing you look, and how far you have come... but it seems your inner confidence won't let you hear it, Until your confidence gains that strength, please know we love you and have admire what you've dont to date. Just keep going and doing what you do!
{big hugs}
You are beautiful. Instead of listing all the things you don't like (stretchmarks etc) try listing all the things you DO like. Like your hot little butt and your awesome smile. You have the body of a teenager, no amount of weight loss is going to change your attitude at this point.
ReplyDeleteHeya Nat!
ReplyDeleteFor me, the key was to realize that nothing that I do in life that really, truly matters is affected by my physical appearance, good or bad. I have to remind myself of that constantly - do the children in Africa sleeping in bedkits I donated care what size I am? Would I be more worthy of a raise if I lost 10 lbs? Has anyone ever said that my calculations would be more accurate if I wore a size 12? Would my hugs be warmer if my arms were thinner? When you get right down to what is capital-I-Important - what does your body have to do with it? It's a struggle, but learning to love myself for what I bring to the world has helped me a lot.
Be your own best friend. You would never tell a friend that they weren't good enough because of their thighs or their stretchmarks. Treat yourself with the same kindness.