I was right! Today was awesome. I am such a geek. I can really see Mark and I doing this together. Volunteering one or two weekends a year; the church picking up the tab on babysitting and food. How cool is that! The couples are so sweet and the love (or infatuation) is palatable in the room. The energy was amazing. I was actually surprised, they had a lot of individual and group work and I was honestly surprised at how "in to it" they all were. I'm a little unsure if they thought they could actually fail, which might prompt them to participate more. But I do wish them the best.
I don't think I've thought much about the idea of marriage and happiness. Probably because I take it for granted. I feel that the commitment from Mark is so totally absolute that nothing in the world could shake it. We are totally in it for life. He is my partner (in crime - teehee). When I'm excited about something, who else do I share it with and that joy is magnified. When I'm sad and depressed, who shares the pain? I am really blessed too have someone who loves me (and likes me most of the time) for the rest of my life. My journey towards happiness is my personal journey but it will undoubtedly have a ripple effect on the people in my close circle. I can't know for sure if my attitude has changed much since I've only just begun, but my goal is to eventually make conscious efforts to be happier. Acts of kindness, sharing joy and stuff like that. I'll get there when I get there. At this point I'm just putting my feelers out there. Learning what I'm like, how I get through the day. I am reflecting a lot at this point but I'm hoping that in the next months I am able to set out attainable goals and reach them. I do realize that I have made an effort to create goals, but they have been very broad. I think what I will end up doing is basically how I lost over 100 lbs in the year.
1) Do my homework, reflect on my behaviours and learn the 'better ways"
2) Journal and track my progress
3) Set a small weekly goal that I know I could sustain for the rest of my life
4) Allow myself to mess up and get back on track
It actually seems to make sense to me this way. It worked to lose weight so I'm guessing it can work to become happier. For me at least. I'm not sure if it would work for anyone else.
Ok on a totally random note, the kids were so happy to see us when we got back this afternoon. Sure they had fun but it's so nice to know that they missed us and wanted us back. I know in my heart that I am ready to have another baby. I know I can do it. I have so much to give them. I am thinking back now to my evening with the kids and a smile creeps unto my face. I connected with Luke as soon as I got home, he ran into my arms and wouldn't let me put him down. He had tons to tell me and even said "I love you maman, you're the best maman in the whole world" (emphasis on whole) ***sigh*** and that is why I love that little boy so much I would give my life for him. Next I got to connect with Patrick when it was time to change into pj's. I got to make him giggle and play peek-a-boo with his favorite stuffed train toy. He was howling so hard when I was tickling is pudgy little belly, and when I stopped he would grab my hands and put them back on his tummy! Then I snuggled with him more just before putting him down to sleep. Those peals of laughter from a baby make up for all the sleepless nights and worry. Next I had my time with Annaliese at bedtime, when her and I get to snuggle up under the covers of her bed and just chat about the day. She tells me what she wants to do "for her birthday party" which is in 4 months still. And how the babysitters read her a french book at nap time and how she won because she took the longest nap. Her little chatter is so cute, in her mind what she is telling me is the most important stuff in the whole world. She can act so grown up sometimes, but when we are snuggling and she curls right up inside me and puts my arm over her... I know that she will always need me. And yes, I do this with her every time I put her to bed. It's our little ritual together. It's how we connect and all the drama melts away and she is still always my perfect baby girl. I love being a mom.