Hello all I'm Natalie. Mother of 3 children all under 5 and yup we are planning on another one. I'm a stay at home mom but have a teaching career on hold (for the time being). I am blogging as part of my new years resolution to be happier. But I think I might also like to use this space to keep my recipes and blab about my kidlets and what ever else I feel like.
So getting back to the HAPPY thing. I've started a series of steps (that I've made up) - although I should probably just get a book from the library, it's not like I'm the first person to think of this. I'm making these up as I go. It might be like cheating because I'm most likely only going to post the things I think I can do. So at some point I might need to enlist some help to keep the momentum going. Before I begin I think I should probably spend some time explaining why I've decided to be more HAPPY. It's not that I'm unhappy, to the contrary, I love my life (ok sure we all have our bad days), but from what I understand life is better when you are happier. Simple concept!
But then I started to inventory.... Like many others, I have a husband and children! My husband comes with a family, and this family has basically abandoned him to the wolves (so to speak) and he is now, as I type this, dealing with legal issues. Next, I have a huge problem with my self image and self loathing (not a happy thing), did I mention the kid thing??? Along with the hugs and kisses and cute memories come the heart wrenching guilt (the "did I do the wrong thing? will they turn out ok? how could I say that?..." you get the idea).
I think worry is the super vilian to happy the hero! I worry about money, about what people think about and say to me, I worry about endless things. The super villian is mostly a non stop recording in my head that is stuck on repeat. (have I lost you?) Ok so it might go like this: ("aahhk why did I drink so much booze over the holiday's, I said I would still fit in my jeans but they don't fit, I'm fat again, I just can't seem to be able to control what I eat and drink, what is wrong with me, if I can't control what I eat and drink how will I be able to control my kids, what if they end up like me, that would be terrible, I also can't seem to control the laundry in this house or the floors for that matter, I can't believe my husband puts up with me when he was raised in an immaculate house with clothes always put away and lunches made.... Oh crap I forgot to get Annaliese's special peanut butter(sunflower seed butter) from the health food store, great now what am I going to do, ..." you get the picture right. The noise in my head is always so negative. I wish I could shut it up!
Da da da daaaa.... insert HAPPY now! When I've felt happy is when the voice in my head is quiet and I can enjoy the moment. Hello super hero! Feel free to kick worry's ass! So ya even though I know I am totally blessed, and I do try to count my blessings often, it's not easy. It is easy, however, to fool people into thinking that you are happy, you can go through the motions of happyness- smile, enjoy time with friends, but the real test of your happiness (or mine I should say), is when nothing spectacular is going on. A few minutes of quiet in the car, or house. So it begins....