Monday, January 3, 2011

I am no longer a blog virgin.

Hello all I'm Natalie.  Mother of 3 children all under 5 and yup we are planning on another one.  I'm a stay at home mom but have a teaching career on hold (for the time being).  I am blogging as part of my new years resolution to be happier.  But I think I might also like to use this space to keep my recipes and blab about my kidlets and what ever else I feel like. 

So getting back to the HAPPY thing.  I've started a series of steps (that I've made up) - although I should probably just get a book from the library, it's not like I'm the first person to think of this.  I'm making these up as I go. It might be like cheating because I'm most likely only going to post the things I think I can do.  So at some point I might need to enlist some help to keep the momentum going.  Before I begin I think I should probably spend some time explaining why I've decided to be more HAPPY.  It's not that I'm unhappy, to the contrary, I love my life (ok sure we all have our bad days), but from what I understand life is better when you are happier.  Simple concept!

But then I started to inventory....  Like many others, I have a husband and children! My husband comes with a family, and this family has basically abandoned him to the wolves (so to speak) and he is now, as I type this, dealing with legal issues. Next, I have a huge problem with my self image and self loathing (not a happy thing), did I mention the kid thing???  Along with the hugs and kisses and cute memories come the heart wrenching  guilt (the "did I do the wrong thing? will they turn out ok? how could I say that?..." you get the idea). 

I think worry is the super vilian to happy the hero!  I worry about money, about what people think about and say to me, I worry about endless things.  The super villian is mostly a non stop recording in my head that is stuck on repeat.  (have I lost you?)  Ok so it might go like this: ("aahhk why did I drink so much booze over the holiday's, I said I would still fit in my jeans but they don't fit, I'm fat again, I just can't seem to be able to control what I eat and drink, what is wrong with me, if I can't control what I eat and drink how will I be able to control my kids, what if they end up like me, that would be terrible, I also can't seem to control the laundry in this house or the floors for that matter, I can't believe my husband puts up with me when he was raised in an immaculate house with clothes always put away and lunches made.... Oh crap I forgot to get Annaliese's special peanut butter(sunflower seed butter) from the health food store, great now what am I going to do, ..." you get the picture right. The noise in my head is always so negative.  I wish I could shut it up!

  Da da da daaaa.... insert HAPPY now!   When I've felt happy is when the voice in my head is quiet and I can enjoy the moment.  Hello super hero!  Feel free to kick worry's ass!  So ya even though I know I am totally blessed, and I do try to count my blessings often, it's not easy.  It is easy, however, to fool people into thinking that you are happy, you can go through the motions of happyness- smile, enjoy time with friends, but the real test of your happiness (or mine I should say), is when nothing spectacular is going on. A few minutes of quiet in the car, or house.  So it begins....

Step 1 of being more happy: Being present every moment means not worrying about crap! (worrying gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere... humm like a rocking chair... why bother with the energy exertion)

Step 2: Do something meaningful that will keep you accountable to your goal. (I got Jen to show me how to start this blog)

 Step 3: Find a way to measure my success with my goal, which means I need to assess my happiness level?  (or reflect on my general mood)


  1. Wow you want another child. Two is my limit. I worry i can't keep up once the little guy starts running around. I think its great what your doing. I think its a great inspiration for others as well as myself. Lots of people have the same issues in common but don't like to talk about it like myself. Keep up the great work.

  2. Thanks. I think being happier would be reflected in a happier or more positive dialogue or monologue. I guess the good thing about me is that I've never been afraid to learn something new and as an added benefit I have very little shame. I would love it if you could keep me honest. So if I start to forget the whole point of this blog you can comment to remind me and help me also. I'm nervous and excited to start this journey. but thanks for the props :)

  3. You buy sun flower seed butter? I assume that's to take to school. Does it taste like peanut butter?