I am now going to air some dirty laundry. For the last week I have been sneaking a piece of ice cream cake (DQ) from the down stairs chest freezer... every day! (sometimes twice a day!)... The cake was my birthday gift from Mark (I know right!!! thanks for feeding my addiction!) Every time I eat a slice I am in heaven for those few delicious moments, and then later on I feel the guilt. Like today I stepped on the scale... and I pretty much could have just attached a few slices of that cake directly to my hips and butt!
I'm stuck on this stupid downward spiral. I love the cake, I want that cake, I eat the cake, I then feel like crap for eating the cake, since I feel like crap I want another slice of cake because it tastes just so good, then I notice my hips and butt getting bigger, I feel crappy and beat myself up some more, even though I fully know that every slice I'm eating I can't burn of at the gym (because I don't go to the gym twice a day) and I eat another piece of cake the next day because I love the cake and I want the cake!!!
Now if you are thinking "wow that girl is stupid" you would be right on so many levels.
1- don't have the cake in the house, if you can't stop eating it (stupid)
2 - get some self control, you preach it!!! (stupid)
3- don't eat the cake to feel better, it always makes you feel worse (stupid)
4- stop calling yourself fat, you are pregnant (stupid)
In case you are wondering what I'm doing, I can tell you this: I am imagining what people (smart ones) are thinking and wish they could say to me! I know what they are thinking because I am also thinking these things, however the "logical" voice in my head always loses to the emotional/irrational voice! The comments 1-4 are all logical rational thoughts, but for some reason ice cream cake is one of those "foods" for me that shuts off the smart voice. In most other "food" area's I'm good and rational. I don't over indulge or eat refined sugars (other than this obviously), sodium is a at a minimum, GF, eat clean (other than this!) and drink tons of water. So for some reason, this one food has managed to attain dominance over my mind. I think I need help!
- well once it's gone, it's gone! I may as well eat the last piece tomorrow and be done with it! Then I can get back to normal!