I have to tell you that tonight was the first time I've cried at the end of class. You know how in the Biggest Loser the contestants are always bawling at the end of their workouts. I've honestly always wondered, why are they crying? Is it to get out of doing more work? Are they in pain? Sheesh what gives.
Well let me tell you ladies and gentlemen... I know why they cry! It's because they are "broken", inside and out. Physically and mentally they are toast. Today at hot yoga, a 90minute stupid hard class with a famous instructor Pino (check out his website http://www.dcfcanada.com/dvd.html ) a couple of things happened. \
I went into the class feeling ready to "be free", I used my kids example at the park today as my intention. They have no fear, they defy gravity, they swing until the seat bounces (do you know what I mean by that?), they run around uninhibited by fear. I was going to let that guide my practise today. NO FEAR! Well first of all if you have ever done one of Pino's classes at PYC you already are kind of fearful, his classes are well known to be "nutty". Anyway I shared my intention with Pino before the start of class, basically solidifying it out loud and making sure I would be accountable for it. The next thing you need to know is that the room was exceptionally HOT, he even warned us before the start of class that "it was going to be a wet, hot and juicy class", no really he did say that. Ok ok,... so no fear, no fear, no fear... my mantra, my intention. That meant flying side crow, head stands (even though I did fall out and did a little roll and crash), but after about 60 minutes of No fear, translation... really hard practise, I was getting dizzy and nausious. Still I kept trying to keep it together, finally after fighting with my nausea, I caved and had to leave the class to puke in the washroom. On my way back into class I was told "well at least you are detoxifying your body", yup I guess all that smart food decided to kick me in the ass! I finished the class, barely!
In savasana (dead man's pose), I couldn't stop the tears. All at once I was overwhelmed by emotions. I was sooo happy the 90 minutes was over, I was disappointed I had to leave the room (unspoken yogi rule: is to stay not leave), I was proud that I had in fact pushed to my max (puking pretty much is an indication of that), I was sad that it was over (I know doesn't make sense), I was so so so greatful for Pino who was there to facilitate my practise and push me to the edge, who inspired me to have "no fear" and I was just so overwhelmingly OPEN! My heart was more open than it has been in a long time and I head something that he said... "Let yourself SHINE" Let the transformation happen, allow yourself to transform into the best version of yourself and others will notice and follow. I heard that! No hang on, more specifically my heart HEARD it! I got it. I don't have to Force the changes, I have to open myself up to them!
That my friends is what I learned, I can be healed IF I allow the transformation to happen. IF open my heart to the process, and be present I will shine! Tears were my body's physical way of showing me that I was opening my heart to the transformation and healing.