It's been a while since I had a good old fashioned rant... So here goes.
People asked me why I went to the gym so soon (today I did body Flow at Goodlife), they say I'm inspirational... ah bleh... I am not inspirational, I am in survival mode and when you are in a situation that you have very little control over you do anything that brings about the feel of normality. I can't control how much sleep I'm getting, or my overwhelming emotions due to lack of sleep or extra hormones, how engorged I'll get, I can't control my kids moods or how they feel...
But I can control the food I eat and the physical activity I get. Endorphins are my friends... I really need to watch out for baby blues, or postpartum mood disorder (not to be confused with depression)... I've already had a few panic attacks (when I think Patrick - the 2 year old- is unsupervised near the baby (while I'm going to the washroom for a few minutes) and anxiety about clutter, since bringing baby Ellie-Lynne home from the hospital I have donated about 10 garbage bags of stuff to the salvation army. Now if you think nursing is all roses and bonding... think again... engorgement is like a right of passage into motherhood, but let me tell you, it freakin sucks!!! Imagine the pain and discomfort of turning kiwi's into cantaloupe melon's... searing, blinding pain... Don't touch me!!! don't hug me!!! don't even think about "liking my giant sized breasts!!!"
Nothing like motherhood to un-leach the super bitch within... mother bear syndrome? Who knows, it's like 0 to 60 in nanoseconds. "YOU WHAT???" spilled milk... smashed the toy on the wall and made a new dent in the paint...hit your brother/sister, left a dish on the carpet stairs going to the bedroom....painted with the yogourt... ugh... Who knows what might set me off...
Relaxxxxxx "that's what you say". I relax when everyone is tucked into bed and sleeping soundly. That's about it, even then, I've always got an ear listening for puking or crying.
Also as I've been writing this I've been helping the baby with her hour long poop before bed. It's 11.. she's fussy but as long as she gets all the gas out she will have a wonderfully long sleep. Super swaddled and listening to white noise on the ipod.
Daaaamn, Nat. Keep on keepin' on.
ReplyDelete- Sars
I hear you Nat. I know it's not easy and you have FOUR to deal with now...that's a feat for anyone! So good for you for getting out to have your time to get exercise. It's what makes you feel good, keeps you sane...do it up! Anytime you want to vent or get out for coffee, let me know! I'm always up for that!!
ReplyDeleteYou do a good job! I complain about having a full time job, but I think dealing with those things on a daily basis is way tougher.
ReplyDelete