Ok so here's the thing I was thinking about this step today and I realized that you can't actually stop worrying completely because then pretty much nothing would ever get done. So you need to identify the crap that you don't need to worry about. So yes, of course finances are going to be a stressor leading to worry but the problem is you do have to pay some mind to it or you could end up in a big red hole of doom. So worry about the stuff you have control over, not that crap you can't control.
So I can't worry about something or an even that has happened in the past because... it's over. Can't change it. The "why did I do that?, "I know that is going to hurt because I've done it before","that jerk...he/she did this ...to me, how dare they", that monologue of drama is part of the villain's super powers. It's just that a monologue! tell it to shut up. Just like when in attack class, instructor says "If your body yells at you, you tell it to shut up!" You learn this very pretty fast in hot yoga when the teacher is telling you not to listened to your mind telling you "you don't like this, it sucks, get out of it" like frog or crow pose right or a very low warrior position. It's a new way of thinking, of being in the moment and present. Sam says "you can accomplish anything for the length of a breath, just think about breathing, nothing else!" Forget what you know! Just BE! (Ok she also like to refer to the feeling of pain as JUICY!!!) I guess it has to do with how we perceive stuff.
Even though you still need to worry about some stuff in your life, the point is don't worry about the crap. Because even though I feel a whole lot of juicy feelings when I workout, if I worried about that I would never go back. But the end result is why I keep going back to the gyms. I focused on each individual moment, in some cases, each bloody excruciating juicy breath I took. How many of you think about crap when you are working out? Well granted it's easy not to think when deafening music is blaring at you and an instructor is yelling at you to push hard, go lower or do more! I guess I need to figure out how to transfer that practise of Being present every moment. I wonder if I can find an ap for my Ipod with Sam's voice telling me" to breath like it was your first breath, imagine you are an avatar trying on your body for the first time, you have no past, everything from this moment on is now." NO CRAP to be had.
The warrior in me will defeat the worrier villain. One breath at a time I will be present! (or as much as I can!) This is a work in progress, I am giving myself a year to get happier :)
This is the story of a health conscious, fitness fanatic, and working mom of 4 beautiful children.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
I am no longer a blog virgin.
Hello all I'm Natalie. Mother of 3 children all under 5 and yup we are planning on another one. I'm a stay at home mom but have a teaching career on hold (for the time being). I am blogging as part of my new years resolution to be happier. But I think I might also like to use this space to keep my recipes and blab about my kidlets and what ever else I feel like.
So getting back to the HAPPY thing. I've started a series of steps (that I've made up) - although I should probably just get a book from the library, it's not like I'm the first person to think of this. I'm making these up as I go. It might be like cheating because I'm most likely only going to post the things I think I can do. So at some point I might need to enlist some help to keep the momentum going. Before I begin I think I should probably spend some time explaining why I've decided to be more HAPPY. It's not that I'm unhappy, to the contrary, I love my life (ok sure we all have our bad days), but from what I understand life is better when you are happier. Simple concept!
But then I started to inventory.... Like many others, I have a husband and children! My husband comes with a family, and this family has basically abandoned him to the wolves (so to speak) and he is now, as I type this, dealing with legal issues. Next, I have a huge problem with my self image and self loathing (not a happy thing), did I mention the kid thing??? Along with the hugs and kisses and cute memories come the heart wrenching guilt (the "did I do the wrong thing? will they turn out ok? how could I say that?..." you get the idea).
I think worry is the super vilian to happy the hero! I worry about money, about what people think about and say to me, I worry about endless things. The super villian is mostly a non stop recording in my head that is stuck on repeat. (have I lost you?) Ok so it might go like this: ("aahhk why did I drink so much booze over the holiday's, I said I would still fit in my jeans but they don't fit, I'm fat again, I just can't seem to be able to control what I eat and drink, what is wrong with me, if I can't control what I eat and drink how will I be able to control my kids, what if they end up like me, that would be terrible, I also can't seem to control the laundry in this house or the floors for that matter, I can't believe my husband puts up with me when he was raised in an immaculate house with clothes always put away and lunches made.... Oh crap I forgot to get Annaliese's special peanut butter(sunflower seed butter) from the health food store, great now what am I going to do, ..." you get the picture right. The noise in my head is always so negative. I wish I could shut it up!
Da da da daaaa.... insert HAPPY now! When I've felt happy is when the voice in my head is quiet and I can enjoy the moment. Hello super hero! Feel free to kick worry's ass! So ya even though I know I am totally blessed, and I do try to count my blessings often, it's not easy. It is easy, however, to fool people into thinking that you are happy, you can go through the motions of happyness- smile, enjoy time with friends, but the real test of your happiness (or mine I should say), is when nothing spectacular is going on. A few minutes of quiet in the car, or house. So it begins....
So getting back to the HAPPY thing. I've started a series of steps (that I've made up) - although I should probably just get a book from the library, it's not like I'm the first person to think of this. I'm making these up as I go. It might be like cheating because I'm most likely only going to post the things I think I can do. So at some point I might need to enlist some help to keep the momentum going. Before I begin I think I should probably spend some time explaining why I've decided to be more HAPPY. It's not that I'm unhappy, to the contrary, I love my life (ok sure we all have our bad days), but from what I understand life is better when you are happier. Simple concept!
But then I started to inventory.... Like many others, I have a husband and children! My husband comes with a family, and this family has basically abandoned him to the wolves (so to speak) and he is now, as I type this, dealing with legal issues. Next, I have a huge problem with my self image and self loathing (not a happy thing), did I mention the kid thing??? Along with the hugs and kisses and cute memories come the heart wrenching guilt (the "did I do the wrong thing? will they turn out ok? how could I say that?..." you get the idea).
I think worry is the super vilian to happy the hero! I worry about money, about what people think about and say to me, I worry about endless things. The super villian is mostly a non stop recording in my head that is stuck on repeat. (have I lost you?) Ok so it might go like this: ("aahhk why did I drink so much booze over the holiday's, I said I would still fit in my jeans but they don't fit, I'm fat again, I just can't seem to be able to control what I eat and drink, what is wrong with me, if I can't control what I eat and drink how will I be able to control my kids, what if they end up like me, that would be terrible, I also can't seem to control the laundry in this house or the floors for that matter, I can't believe my husband puts up with me when he was raised in an immaculate house with clothes always put away and lunches made.... Oh crap I forgot to get Annaliese's special peanut butter(sunflower seed butter) from the health food store, great now what am I going to do, ..." you get the picture right. The noise in my head is always so negative. I wish I could shut it up!
Da da da daaaa.... insert HAPPY now! When I've felt happy is when the voice in my head is quiet and I can enjoy the moment. Hello super hero! Feel free to kick worry's ass! So ya even though I know I am totally blessed, and I do try to count my blessings often, it's not easy. It is easy, however, to fool people into thinking that you are happy, you can go through the motions of happyness- smile, enjoy time with friends, but the real test of your happiness (or mine I should say), is when nothing spectacular is going on. A few minutes of quiet in the car, or house. So it begins....
Step 1 of being more happy: Being present every moment means not worrying about crap! (worrying gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere... humm like a rocking chair... why bother with the energy exertion)
Step 2: Do something meaningful that will keep you accountable to your goal. (I got Jen to show me how to start this blog)
Step 3: Find a way to measure my success with my goal, which means I need to assess my happiness level? (or reflect on my general mood)
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