Winter is Blue (it's just a colour though.)

Thanks to a wonderful visit with a lovely friend today I think I had a bit of an "ahaa" moment about my current state of happiness.  It feel like my mood as been dismal lately.  I'm grouchier than normal (well not that I'm really a grouchy person), touchier and more sensitive.  Hormones??? Am I pregnant?  I honestly don't know! But then I was enlightened with the idea that it is February!  I have basically been indoors for the past 3-4 months.  When I would normally spend, at least, 4 hours a day outside in the summer and during warm weather.  **sigh I really do miss my back yard, the gardens, the deck and greenery.

 I don't particularly like going outside in cold or snowy weather. I need more sun!  But since last time I checked, putting in an order with the big man, doesn't really do much!  I have to think of some alternatives.  I don't drink milk anymore (because I want to decrease my sugar intake) so I'm not getting the extra vitamin D that is added to milk.  I guess I can start taking my D, along with my prenatal vitamin and Omega-3.  I love food, eating it and cooking it!  But sometimes no matter how much healthy nutrient dense food I am consuming, something will inevitably be lacking.  So I wonder if I'm SAD???  I haven't the first idea about that.  But if it means you want to crawl in a hole "like that lucky little groundhog for another 6 weeks" and wake up when life is starting to bloom again.... then yup! Sad I am.

So hopefully the next couple of days go much better. It's kind of stupid but even as soon as I had made the sun connection, I started to feel better.  Because my mood could be attributed to something tangible.  I could attempt to fix it (sort of).  I no longer feel like, wow! what is wrong with me!  It's more like "Ohhh that's what's wrong!  Is it me blaming the sun?  Like I blamed the snow yesterday for wrecking my kids birthday party.  Even as I type this, it seems to me that I'm trying to put the blame on something else so that I don't really need to address what might be the real cause of my moodiness.  Huh. 

Just looking for summer pictures warmed my heart.  For everything their is a season (what is that Hemingway quote?).  This is, I guess, when we are stuck in our houses (unless you are bionicle man/woman and run outdoors in -20C for hours) :)  We are forced to look deep within ourselves -  even if it's not pretty.  Next stop is spring cleaning right?  So that when summer rolls around again we can appreciate those moments of pure happiness so much better.  It's not to say that I don't have happiness now, but I seem to be in a better mood during the summer :) This winter is blue!  But it's just a colour.  Not an expectation that I need to live down to! 

My Dark Place.

So my dark place has red wine and me not folding laundry.  I power bake, which means I try to mix a batch of muffins up before the oven heats up to 350F.  I avoid what is really bothering me by making up drama.  I'm in a dark place tonight.  I have been almost all day.  It shouldn't be like this, I know!  My elevator is dismal (somewhere around the 20s).  The snow put me off today (ok well now the blame game begins).  I'm upset because... well I'm not really sure I should get into this... But I'm upset because I take things personal.  I always have, and I hope I don't, but I'm sure I always will.  I think I have always taken things personal.  When I was a kid I thought that unless I got a big present people didn't "like or love" me enough.  When I was in high school, if I didn't have sex I thought I wasn't good enough.  Now, when people don't show up to play dates, I take it personal.  I feel like my kid isn't good enough.  Which is a reflection on me.  So what's wrong with me?  I am beating myself up today.  It's a dark day today.  But at least I had red wine and some sugar free muffins AND not the chocolate cake that I actually wanted.  I guess it's about small victories right?

Motivationally Challenged and the Chia Seed

I'm sitting here with the netbook on my little lap desk, staring at the two loads of laundry that are in front of me.  I really don't want to fold, and then it occurred to me, that I don't really want to do anything.  It's a good thing I don't get "motivationally challenged" very often because this place would fall apart.  But tonight after a very long day with very little sitting down, I just don't want to fold.  I also don't want to mop the floors for Luke's birthday Party.  Actually now that I think of it, I'm kind of down because I have this feeling that the stupid snow is going to wreck my little guys party.  I do realize that every teacher is wishing for a snow day, including Mark.  Dear heaven's he even went to check on the snow blower to make sure "it's ready to go".   I'm sorry but that is dorky!  (sorry Mark, you know I love you!)  Did you oil it up too? 


But just in case you feel like reading something other than me complaining about the weather here is the nutrition information about the chia seed.  I feel like sharing this with you only because when I was at the dentists office today she found one in my teeth (oh great) and I ended up explaining that it's a super food that contains massive amounts of fiber, the best source of omega-3 fatty acids from a plant base, protein, calcium, and other great stuff.   And yup it is the same seed that you put in your chia pets.  The totally super cool thing about chia seeds is they absorb many times their weight in water.  So you get that full feeling longer.  When it is used with higher G.I. (glycemic index) foods it can actually lower the total value.  So that is why I try to put it on anything I eat.  But I also put it on my kids cereal, toast, homemade cereal bars and oatmeal.  I once made a chia seed chocolate pudding.  I got the recipe from a raw eating website.  But it's really cool to see how the liquid you add chia seeds to become "jello-fied" For example you can make an incredibly healthy jam by literally mushing fresh berries and adding chia seeds, putting it in the fridge for 20 minutes and voila!  You can buy it at Bulk Barn or any Health food store.  It's an awesome food to have around the house and incorporate in your lifestyle. 

Ps. They are actually really really tiny, but I love the mottled look of them.  For some reason I think they look like little tiny dinosaur eggs.   (yes I actually do have a sense of imagination)   But seriously aren't they cute?